Word of the Day: EXIGENT (ek'-si-juhnt), ADJECTIVE: Demanding immediate attention; urgent; pressing.

Flipping through the TV stations today, I noticed that the American Embassy in Serbia was on fire. It seems that Kosovo recently declared itself an independent nation. Enraged at this action by Kosovo, the Serbians lit the American Embassy on fire. This reaction, of course, makes perfect sense to the majority of the world.  In fact, blowing up the American Embassy is the official sport of every nation in the world except Canada and France (where it is hockey and 50 meter ice-prancing, respectively).

The incident made me wonder how I would react if one of America's states declared independence. The first thing I would do, obviously, is firebomb the Serbian Embassy. Depending on the amount of rioting in the streets, I would then effectuate my plan for exigent circumstances. Inspired by what happened with Hurricane Katrina several years ago, I created a carefully planned kit for all emergencies (floods, hurricanes, nuclear attacks, alien invasions, Hillary Clinton being elected President, etc.). The kit consists of a wheelbarrow and a list of stores to loot. While the rest of the town is foolishly evacuating or taking cover, I will be at Best Buy with an arm full of plasma TV's.

Depending on the state that breaks away from the Union, there may be no rioting or strong reaction at all. Nobody is going to shed tears over losing New Jersey. Nobody would even notice losing states like Kansas or Kentucky. In fact, pretty much everything between New York and California is expendable. Sure, if we lost this middle region there would be no more guests for Springer, NASCAR would have to declare bankruptcy, and administering DNA tests to clear up uncertain parentage would no longer be a viable industry. But I still think America would survive.