Audacity and the Hasselhoff Snub
Posted by Doug Groene at 2/18/2008 1:38 PM and is filed under uncategorized 
Word of the Day: AUDACITY (aw-das'-i-tee), Noun: Nerve or daring; shameless boldness.
Last week the TV and movie writers strike ended. The writers went back to work, presumably with a big raise. These people deserve more money about as much as Lynne Spears (momma Britney) deserves the "mother of the year" award. It should be noted that Lynne Spears was actually planning to release a book on parenting (I am not making this up), but the project was scrapped when her 16-year-old daughter, Jamie Lynn Spears, announced that she was pregnant. When reached for comment in her Los Angeles asylum, Britney Spears tried to swallow the microphone and screamed incoherently at the voices in her head.
The point is that the writers should all be shot. (And by "shot," I actually mean they should be brutally tortured by being tied to a chair and forced to watch a typical CBS prime time lineup, after which they should be... shot). TV and movies are just awful. Most of what comes out isn't even original- it is repackaged garbage from ten years ago. For example Terminator is now the "Sarah Conner Chronicles." The movie "Rambo" is now the movie "Rambo." Except in the latest installment, Sylvester Stalone goes on an insane killing spree to avenge the theft of his dentures. The man has arm-flab, for God's sake! I don't care how much human growth hormone they pump into him, when the only plausible stunt double they can find is the drummer from the Rolling Stones, it is time to stop taking roles as an action hero. Last night, CBS actually aired a remake of Knight Rider, one of the worst shows in the history of television. They didn't even ask David Hasselhoff to be part of the project. When reached for comment, Hasselhoff screamed incoherently in German and tried to drink the microphone.
When the writers aren't recycling garbage from the 80's, they are busy creating a whole new generation of garbage. AMC recently introduced the aptly named "Breaking Bad," the perfectly believable story of a high School Chemistry teacher who finds out he has terminal lung cancer and decides to provide for his family after his death by making and selling crystal meth, out of an RV in the New Mexico desert. The fact that life insurance is readily available in the United States does not seem to phase the Breaking Bad writers, who I can only surmise were smoking plenty of their own crystal meth when they came up with this show.
Of course, the most popular shows are "reality TV" shows. Because we are too lazy to get off the couch and go experience real life, the networks have courteously brought reality to our couches. The ultimate reality TV experience takes place in the 10 seconds a day when the TV is turned off, when the viewer can see the reflection of a 400 pound man with one hand in a bag of Cheetos and the other hand furiously searching for the remote control to turn reality back on.
The word to describe the writers of the junk we see on TV demanding more money is audacity. It is approximately the Yiddish term, "chutzpah." It is what the Spanish might call "cojones." It is what people from Brooklyn might call... well, you'll have to tune into reality TV to find that out.
Last week the TV and movie writers strike ended. The writers went back to work, presumably with a big raise. These people deserve more money about as much as Lynne Spears (momma Britney) deserves the "mother of the year" award. It should be noted that Lynne Spears was actually planning to release a book on parenting (I am not making this up), but the project was scrapped when her 16-year-old daughter, Jamie Lynn Spears, announced that she was pregnant. When reached for comment in her Los Angeles asylum, Britney Spears tried to swallow the microphone and screamed incoherently at the voices in her head.
The point is that the writers should all be shot. (And by "shot," I actually mean they should be brutally tortured by being tied to a chair and forced to watch a typical CBS prime time lineup, after which they should be... shot). TV and movies are just awful. Most of what comes out isn't even original- it is repackaged garbage from ten years ago. For example Terminator is now the "Sarah Conner Chronicles." The movie "Rambo" is now the movie "Rambo." Except in the latest installment, Sylvester Stalone goes on an insane killing spree to avenge the theft of his dentures. The man has arm-flab, for God's sake! I don't care how much human growth hormone they pump into him, when the only plausible stunt double they can find is the drummer from the Rolling Stones, it is time to stop taking roles as an action hero. Last night, CBS actually aired a remake of Knight Rider, one of the worst shows in the history of television. They didn't even ask David Hasselhoff to be part of the project. When reached for comment, Hasselhoff screamed incoherently in German and tried to drink the microphone.
When the writers aren't recycling garbage from the 80's, they are busy creating a whole new generation of garbage. AMC recently introduced the aptly named "Breaking Bad," the perfectly believable story of a high School Chemistry teacher who finds out he has terminal lung cancer and decides to provide for his family after his death by making and selling crystal meth, out of an RV in the New Mexico desert. The fact that life insurance is readily available in the United States does not seem to phase the Breaking Bad writers, who I can only surmise were smoking plenty of their own crystal meth when they came up with this show.
Of course, the most popular shows are "reality TV" shows. Because we are too lazy to get off the couch and go experience real life, the networks have courteously brought reality to our couches. The ultimate reality TV experience takes place in the 10 seconds a day when the TV is turned off, when the viewer can see the reflection of a 400 pound man with one hand in a bag of Cheetos and the other hand furiously searching for the remote control to turn reality back on.
The word to describe the writers of the junk we see on TV demanding more money is audacity. It is approximately the Yiddish term, "chutzpah." It is what the Spanish might call "cojones." It is what people from Brooklyn might call... well, you'll have to tune into reality TV to find that out.
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