President Hilton and Misogyny
Posted by Doug Groene at 2/15/2008 3:32 PM and is filed under uncategorized 
Word of the Day: MISOGYNY (mi-sog'-uh-nee), Noun: Hatred, dislike, or distrust of women.
In all fairness, Paris Hilton should be the next President of the United States. Before you laugh, hear me out. Eight years ago, George W. Bush presented his credentials to the American people: A beer guzzling, cocaine sniffing member of a very rich family, who held a bunch of high profile jobs, such as owner of the baseball team his father bought for him. Granted, he had some political experience. But the major responsibilities of the Governor of Texas are to flip on the office light switch each day—this switch actually powers the electric chair of the Texas State Prison—and to frequently fire two six-shooters into the air while yelling “yeee-haww.”
Paris Hilton is just as qualified. Like Bush, she can’t spot North America on a world map, loves words like “nucular,” and “y’all,” and lists “hanging out” and “drinkin” as her top hobbies on her Myspace page. Paris has held numerous responsible jobs--businesswoman, actress, singer, porn star, runner up in the Southpark whore-off, etc.—and has strong views on prison reform. The religious transformation Paris underwent, during her traumatic 23 days as a political prisoner in a Los Angeles jail, should play well with the religious right. When asked by Larry King for her favorite bible verse, Paris gave a very Bush-like, politically savvy response: “ummmm… I don’t really have one.” Obviously she didn’t want to offend the Genesis fans or Book of John fans by belting out a quote from, say, 2nd Corinthians. Pure political genius!
So why does America treat Paris Hilton differently than George W. Bush? Sexism. There are many Americans out there who hate women and will never vote for a woman president. This blatant misogyny is preventing America from reaping the benefits of a Paris Hilton presidency. You may say that the popularity of Hillary Clinton shows that Americans don’t hate women. But Hillary Clinton has more testosterone in her than the entire 2007 Miami Dolphins football team, and her alleged “womanhood” has never been proven by an independent medical specialist. Congress plans to launch an investigation after it sorts out the baseball steroids scandal. In the meantime, Americans should stop being misogynistic and vote Paris Hilton for president.
In all fairness, Paris Hilton should be the next President of the United States. Before you laugh, hear me out. Eight years ago, George W. Bush presented his credentials to the American people: A beer guzzling, cocaine sniffing member of a very rich family, who held a bunch of high profile jobs, such as owner of the baseball team his father bought for him. Granted, he had some political experience. But the major responsibilities of the Governor of Texas are to flip on the office light switch each day—this switch actually powers the electric chair of the Texas State Prison—and to frequently fire two six-shooters into the air while yelling “yeee-haww.”
Paris Hilton is just as qualified. Like Bush, she can’t spot North America on a world map, loves words like “nucular,” and “y’all,” and lists “hanging out” and “drinkin” as her top hobbies on her Myspace page. Paris has held numerous responsible jobs--businesswoman, actress, singer, porn star, runner up in the Southpark whore-off, etc.—and has strong views on prison reform. The religious transformation Paris underwent, during her traumatic 23 days as a political prisoner in a Los Angeles jail, should play well with the religious right. When asked by Larry King for her favorite bible verse, Paris gave a very Bush-like, politically savvy response: “ummmm… I don’t really have one.” Obviously she didn’t want to offend the Genesis fans or Book of John fans by belting out a quote from, say, 2nd Corinthians. Pure political genius!
So why does America treat Paris Hilton differently than George W. Bush? Sexism. There are many Americans out there who hate women and will never vote for a woman president. This blatant misogyny is preventing America from reaping the benefits of a Paris Hilton presidency. You may say that the popularity of Hillary Clinton shows that Americans don’t hate women. But Hillary Clinton has more testosterone in her than the entire 2007 Miami Dolphins football team, and her alleged “womanhood” has never been proven by an independent medical specialist. Congress plans to launch an investigation after it sorts out the baseball steroids scandal. In the meantime, Americans should stop being misogynistic and vote Paris Hilton for president.
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